Walking with Nico

Homily of Rev Robbie Paraan, SJ
Loyola House of Studies, Ateneo de Manila University, Manila
27 May 2020

Fr Nico loved walking. When we were together in Arrupe International Residence, he would
walk every day from AIR to the East Asian Pastoral Institute (EAPI) and back. He would
share that, even in Rome—and I’m sure in Japan—his daily walk was as constant as his
prayers. It was on his first walking trip, the morning after he arrived—or was it even on that
same afternoon?—that I got to talk to him for the first time. From Arrupe, instead of turning
left to Paseo de Reilly, he turned right in the direction of the kitchen of Loyola House of
Studies. I thought he might have wanted to take the path passing through Eliazo and Cervini.

But realizing that was too steep for him, I followed him quietly and saw that he entered the
driveway of what is now the Philippine Jesuit Aid Association. I walked up to him to tell him
he had lost his way. He looked at me, smiled and asked me which way to go. I accompanied
him to EAPI and, walking back, I felt a certain pride having shown the way to our former
Superior General.

In a retreat a few years back I was struggling with a personal area of great unfreedom. “Solvitur ambulando. Solve it by walking,” my wise retreat director suggested. I took it to mean that I just have to confront it, make a decision to let go, and, as the Nike slogan goes, just do it. I wonder now if Fr Nico also took that to heart. I am not privy to his working style as General, if he was the stereotypical doer whose main goal is to get things accomplished swiftly and efficiently. But I don’t think Jesuits are that ignorant to elect a General who wasn’t at least a competent administrator. Fr Danny Huang, Assistant to Fr General Nicolas for eight years, recently wrote how “no one worked harder than Nico in dealing with the voluminous correspondence that flooded into the Curia, seeking the General’s guidance and decisions on leadership, finances, institutions, communities, persons.” He continued, “But Nico was always searching for ways to rise above, as it were, the quotidian; to find time and space for himself and for his collaborators to reflect more deeply on what was happening in the Church and in the world.” Solvitur ambulando. I imagine Fr Nico, in the process of making a huge decision that would impact a Jesuit or a community, a region or a Province, the universal Society or the entire Church—apart from praying, of course—would solve it by walking.

To put one step in front of the other, in a rhythm that is peculiarly one’s own, may seem like
the most pedestrian of human activities, but for many walking is an art revelatory of one’s
character. Henry David Thoreau famously wrote about the art of walking: “If you are ready to leave father and mother, and brother and sister, and wife and child and friends, and never
see them again—if you have paid your debts, and made your will, and settled all your affairs, and (if you) are a free man, then you are ready for a walk.” Fr Nico loved walking, and he walked a lot, because he was a free man. These past days of mourning the death and remembering the life of Fr Nico have been littered with memories of his wonderful sense of humor and unfaltering sense of joy. He found jokes everywhere, even if they were barely discernible because of his increasingly slurred speech. But underlying his humor and joy is a total lack of inhibition and complete detachment from any form of pretense. I guess that’s why he could confidently tell us formands that one piece of advice: “Be yourself.” Above all we must accept that we are called to the Society as me and you, not as anyone else. Fr Nico continues, however, “Be yourself, but let this self be touched by Christ.” Let Christ enter you, shape you, transform you. Isn’t this what formation really is about? To grow more and more in our freedom to love ourselves as created by God and to walk in the footsteps of Jesus— after whom our least Society is named. Fr Nico loved walking and he walked a lot because he was free to be himself and free to follow his Christ.

Fr Nico did not only walk a lot, he walked fast. I think that the speed of his steps, at least on his few years here before going back to Japan, was more because he had to keep his sense of balance and not because he was in a hurry. Whenever he walked and he would meet someone, especially an old friend or acquaintance, he would stop and smile. He was
such a gentle and genuinely good person who treated everyone the same. He would stop even for the fat cats lying around Arrupe. Not a few times we would find him standing at the corridor on the way to his room, looking down. He would use his cane to gently nudge a sleeping cat, and he would quietly smile at it for a few moments—long enough to say a short prayer. Like all ‘professional walkers’ Fr Nico knew when he had to stop, be still, and
stay in the moment. One of my most memorable images of Arrupe is going up to our chapel,
still sweating after an afternoon of playing ball, barely in time for the 6 p.m. mass, and
finding Fr Nico in his regular chair sitting still, eyes closed, deep in prayer, continuing his
walk with the Lord in silent contemplation. He was free and his life was abundantly fruitful
because, as Fr General emphasized in his homily during the funeral mass, Fr Nico was
rooted in Christ and in His people. “He always knew how to die, take root, grow outward and produce much fruit. Putting down roots was the experience that allowed him to acquire that
awareness of the need to go deep, to penetrate all dimensions of life.” He became General
when I entered the Society as a novice and all through my early formation, I would hear his
constant call to go deep. But it was through his humble and quiet presence in our community, and to the Lord, that I really learned what depth meant and where it could be found.

When Fr Nico passed away the chat group among us batchmates at Arrupe suddenly became active. Since Fr Nico arrived in our community in the same schoolyear that we did, we had considered him our batchmate also, even going out with him on batch outings. You would know that among us, Paul Tu Ja was especially devoted to him, having been assigned his angel in the community. In our exchange of condolences and memories of Fr Nico a few
hours after his passing, Tu Ja narrated how, that evening, he walked the same path Fr Nico
would walk from Arrupe to EAPI, praying and talking to our oldest and most distinguished
batchmate. I found that beautifully ironic. The one who had lost his way before, was now
giving direction to those who mourned his loss. And wouldn’t that be a most fitting image for Fr Nico—our General and our friend—someone who walked the path of humble obedience and total self-giving to the Lord so that we may not lose our way?

In our first reading, those at Ephesus wept loudly as they threw their arms around Paul who
was about to depart. “They were deeply distressed that they would never see his face again.” We may never see Fr Nico again and his gentle grandfatherly face, but we must console and challenge ourselves as we trod along the path of rooted depth, of utter self-giving, and joyful peace that he has walked, and that Christ has paved for all of us who believe.