by Kim Sook Hee RSCJ
I feel deeply honoured to be asked to share my memories of Fr Nicolas, and utterly grateful to God and to Fr Nicolás for being such an important person in my life. Though he has left us, he will always remain in our hearts and in our lives.
As I was preparing my sharing, I opened my email box and reread his emails which I kept under Fr Nicolás. I was overwhelmed to see so many exchanges of emails, and loving memories came to my mind. This does not say much about who I am but it shows who Fr Nicolás was with people. He was indeed a warm person of relationship who cherished friendship with so many people. For me, he was, and will always be a living mystery that such a big person with wide vision and sharp insight could be at the same time so personal, kind and gentle, and cherished a friendship with a small person like me. I came to know that he made friends with many people and he treasured such friendships. His love was freeing, encouraging, and life-giving that in front of him, I always felt I was somebody, I was a lovable person, a good daughter of God. I felt like wanting to love God more and to serve people in my life more deeply.
My memories go back to the early 80s, when I was a young professed. At some point Fr Nicolás stayed in Sogang to teach one semester. I don’t remember whether it was his sabbatical year. He sometimes came to celebrate Mass in Wonhyoro. He gave us very charming, insightful homilies.
My personal meeting with him happened when our congregation had a discernment about the merger of Songsim college with the Seoul Archdiocese. He came to help us with the discernment sessions successively for two years. In one of the discernment sessions, I was suddenly asked by Sister Agnes Kim to translate his talk. At that time, I was not used to translating for the RSCJ. Seeing me rather embarrassed, Fr Nicolás called me to his side and showed me what he was going to talk about and even pointed out some vocabularies which I should know. I was deeply touched by his kindness. That was the beginning of my personal relationship with him.
Whenever I met him in person, he gave me some advice and insightful words. When he talked with me, he fully entered my life and concentrated on my stories. I guess he was present fully with each individual. When I had been named as Provincial, I went to see him in Japan. He gave me very important words I needed to serve as Provincial. He even gave me a book, which I found very helpful.
In 2008, one morning, after a Mass, we came to know that Fr Nicolás had been elected as the Superior General of the Society of the Jesus. Our Sisters were very happy about the good news. Agnes Kim Jae Soon and I agreed to send our common friend a congratulatory message, without expecting him to answer. We wanted him to read that we were very happy and we assured him of our prayers. “Dear Father Nicolás,” we wrote. “We know that you are a great person, but we are amused to know that the world also recognised you!” As we always were with him, it was a very personal email without so much protocol, but with a bit of joking. After one or two days, we received his answer. Evidently it was written very fast in his very busy schedule of the General Congregation. Agnes Kim and I were really enchanted and amazed.
Agnes Kim was a great friend of his. In 2011, a few days after Agnes’ passing, I received an email. He came to hear about it from another RSCJ friend. He wanted to send his condolences to us. So he wrote to me, asking me to pass on his message:
“Dear Sook Hee,
Mieko Shinjo from Australia, where she is on Sabbatical for a course, wrote saying that Agnes Kim had passed away. She is one of those persons that elicit great admiration and respect and I thought greatly of her. I think I met her and her sister Catherine in my last visit to Korea, when the Jesuit Community became a Jesuit Province. She was already weak. And yet she was always gracious, generous and I am still drinking ginseng tea that I got from her. I wanted to communicate to the Provincial my condolences for her passing away, but I do not know who is the Provincial or her address. Please, convey them to her, together with my prayer. How are you doing? I hope you are well and doing what you do best: giving joy to others and helping them in a myriad of things. Thanks for being there and for being yourself.
With warm affection,
Nicolás”
After I conveyed his condolences, I reported to him how it gave us much consolation. He thanked me as follows:
“Dear Sook Hee,
Thank you for handling my message so well and giving me information in the process. Hope you are keeping well and enjoying, as usual, your ministry and your helping others find joy and hope. You are great at that and we are all beneficiaries, all those of us who love you. Take care and continue being such a lovely daughter of the Lord.
Gratefully and affectionately,
Nicolás”
These two emails speak much of who Fr Nicolás was. I guess as a Superior General, his days were full of official things, big and small, but he wrote these personal and lovely letters during his very busy schedule. Though he became Superior General, he remained the same good friend as he used to be.
When I happened to move to Rome to serve on the General Council, I wrote to him. As usual, he welcomed me to Rome warmly and said very kind words. The possibility of meeting him in Rome was a wonderful bonus God granted me in this time of transition. Whenever I passed by the Jesuit curia, I sent my love and prayer in my heart, but I was careful in case I would disturb such a busy and official person. When Fr Denis Kim was staying at the curia for one week, I happened to write a letter to Fr Nicolás through Denis Kim. He encouraged me to overcome my shyness and come see him. He suggested several possible dates. I laughed with him because he gave me a first, a second and even a third choice. It was I who really wanted to see him, but he gave a gesture that he also wanted to see me. I think it is his utter kindness, very natural for him. “Thank you very much for the card you sent through Denis Kim. I really hope you overcome the shyness to enter our house and we can talk. It will be a great pleasure to see you and have a little chat.” I am shy to share this episode, but I got confused about our dates, and we had to change our appointment. Our sisters at the Mother House came to know about it and were hugely embarrassed as I was. Here again his kindness was conveyed through his answer. “Absolutely no problem, dear Sook Hee. It happens to me now and then that I am not aware of other commitments and I make appointments that I cannot keep. Thank you for letting me know so that we can change the dates. If you cannot make it that weekend, what about the following one? Is the same hour of the 22nd OK? Let me know. If it is not OK, what would be a good day and time for you? I will be waiting for your confirmation.” His kindness is almost saintly. He gave me his precious time and gave me himself. I was really spoiled with his kindness, but now I know I will try to imitate him even a little bit.
While I was in Rome, I followed his life through his writings and the YouTube clips of his speeches and visits. In those, I always found some important messages for my life and for the service in the General Council. I really loved the speech he made when he visited Africa. “Africa represents Life, while Asia, the Way and Europe, Truth.” He really wanted to challenge the superficiality of the world, and that was where Jesuits were called to contribute to the world. His messages helped me to reflect on where God was calling the Society and who God was calling us to be.
When we were planning the General Chapter in 2016, We wanted to have Fr Nicolás for the beginning or ending of our General Chapter. At that time he was already affected by his sickness. In spite of his busy schedule and his physical weakness, he came to celebrate the beginning Mass, for which we were really very grateful.
I am really blessed to have met Nico in my life and enjoyed an intimate relationship with him. I am utterly indebted to him. Like many other people, I feel the loss of my great friend very deeply, but I know that he is praying for us and enjoying the loving embrace of God the Father. In return, it is our hope to live like him, a man of human goodness and of God. I hear him saying, “Sook Hee, I hope you are well and doing what you do best: giving joy to others and helping them in a myriad of things. Thanks for being there and for being yourself. “
Thank you Nico for everything!
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